Recently I’ve been on a binge of sweet treats. The bait is chocolate, choc-chip cookies, cake….well basically if it has sugar and cocoa in it I’m hooked.
I’ve experienced an interesting although not uncommon journey with sweet foods and food in general. Years ago I placed a great deal of emphasis on body image. I wanted above all to be skinny so I deprived myself of so many different kinds of foods. I remember sprouting on and on about how much I hated butter, which was never actually true but it seemed to get me attention (which I liked…even though I pretended I didn’t) and get me out of eating anything with butter in it, which (god forbid) might be fattening…
Healing and therapy work helped me to gain a deeper understanding about myself and the universe, and through further discovery I’ve mostly healed this part of myself. Through this healing and acceptance, I’ve been able to eat without feeling guilty afterwards, and choose what I actually want to eat and not just what would have the least calories or be easiest to burn off. I’ve actually discovered how to love my gorgeous body, tummy, thighs and all! However from time to time I’d find myself binge eating. And not just binge eating anything, I’d developed a strong inclination toward sweet foods.
A year or so ago another shift occurred amidst a chocolatey-binge session. I was knee deep in a block of Whittaker’s chocolate when I started to honestly question what was really going on. A part of me told myself that it was harmless and okay, however there was another part of me that was still curious as to why I was fairly balanced with my eating habits, except for the odd occasion in which I’d uncontrollably fly off the handle and wind up acting like a choc-crack addict needing hit after hit after hit.
I reflected on myself and my habits for sometime however I didn’t feel as though I was having any blinding ah-har moments. But I kept at it, sitting in gentle curiousity of myself without allowing in any guilt or critical thoughts. I was set on understanding myself with compassion and acceptance. And it was through this gentle and kind enquiry that I learned something new. I was lead to go deeper into meditation and consult my higher wisdom for the insight I desired.
Deep breathing and meditation helped me to get past the pesky thoughts which were popping up and crowding my mind, and I used visualisation to set off on a journey to a meeting place. At that time I was working with my meeting place being in a beautiful garden sitting under a tree. I waited there in my mind and called in a Being or Guide to help me with this issue.
I felt a shudder rush up my spine and then straight back down again, then goose bumps formed down my right leg. I felt the angel Archangel Michael whom I work with a lot, come to me and so I mentally said hello. Hello dear child I heard back. I thanked Archangel Michael for coming then I began to ask him questions about my eating habits.
Why do I continually have bouts of binge eating chocolates and sweets which I can’t seem to control? What do I get from eating sweet food?
Almost immediately I received a profound and insightful response.
You tell yourself you love you through sweet foods.
I knew exactly what he was talking about. All the years of punishing myself and telling myself I was worthless through depriving myself of foods, now I was playing out a misguided paradox.
It also made sense why these urges would come and go. I could see why sometimes it was relatively easy to be mostly sugar-free but then why I would have periods where I would crack and eat chocolates everyday for a few days or even a week. It was these times I needed love.
When I felt the strongest urges for a binge on sweet foods these were the times I needed to pause and accept and love myself. So conversely when I needed to hear I love you and I wasn’t giving that to myself I would turn to the sweet stuff.
I thanked Archangel Michael and felt I knew what I had to do. Anytime I craved sweet foods I could know that what I really needed was love and work to give that to myself.
So as I go through this phase once more I have remembered the understanding I gained about myself and my needs. I need some self love. When I pause and focus on what I really need it seems clear that through the last week or so I have felt uncomfortable and have been feeling a lot of pressure as my partner and I move house. It is times of change or upheival that I (and most of us) extra self-love is required.
Already I feel the cravings dissipate and a deeper more sturdy warmth holding me instead. I will encourage more self-love through some deep breathing, a good selfie-hug and a meditation to connect back into my soul love energy within -which is sweeter than any chocolate every could be 🙂
Do you have habits which you feel as though you can’t control? What could they be telling you?